Episode 6: The Inner Medicine: Cultivating Personal Agency (The Breakthrough)

Most of us have spent a lifetime getting very good at reading the room. Adjusting. Softening. Making ourselves easier to be around. And we've done it so fluently, for so long, that we stopped noticing it was costing us anything at all.

Episode 6 is about what happens when you stop. Suks sits down with Pip Raine, a second year student at Inspire Breathwork and more significantly someone who knows intimately what it takes to choose yourself over the comfort of the room. It isn't easy. It isn't always graceful. But what waits on the other side of that choice - a deeper, steadier, more honest relationship with yourself - turns out to be worth everything it asks of you.

This is a conversation about agency. About the nervous system. About the particular kind of courage it takes to stop performing okayness and actually inhabit your own life.

Whether you are here as a student of breathwork or a professional drawn to the Decolonizing Breathwork Facilitator Training by Inspire Breathwork, come sit with us. Because the most radical thing some of us will ever do is stop making ourselves smaller. And it starts with one breath.Pip (she/they) is a white queer bodied woman. She is a British Breathwork, Movement and Voice Facilitator, a singer, dancer and a lover of music, nature, adventure and all the colours of expression that we live in that makes up a soulsome life.

They are firmly anchored in social justice and social change and their values are deeply planted with integrity, inclusion and care. Their work is to stand securely in their footing and centre to support and stand by/for the LGBTQ+ peoples/communities. As well as bringing breathwork to musicians, creatives, bands and orchestras as well as anyone who resonates. 

Connect with Pip:

Instagram: @pipraine

Email: pipraine@yahoo.com

[New website underway]

Transcript:

00:00:01

Hello, [music] and welcome to episode six of the Inspire Breathwork podcast. I'm Souks, [music] your host, and someone who has been personally breathed by today's guest, which means I'm coming into this one with a particular kind of knowing and a very particular kind of gratitude. And today, we're talking about agency. About what it actually feels [music] like in your body, not just your mind, to stand your ground, to stop scanning the room for what everyone [music] else needs, to stop making yourself smaller

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so that other people feel comfortable, and to stop appeasing. And I'll be honest, especially [music] in front of my facilitator, um that this one landed very [music] close to home for me. Because I have definitely been that person in the room, the one [music] quietly managing the temperature, the one who clocked someone's mood shift before they had even spoken, >> [music] >> the one who shaped themselves almost without knowing it around what everyone else needed. [music] My guest today has not only lived that

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story, she has done the deep, unglamorous, [music] genuinely life-changing work of rewriting a lot of it >> [music] >> with courage, with humor, and with her whole nervous system. Her name [music] is Pippa Rain. She is a second-year student at Inspire Breathwork, and someone whose breakthrough story, I think, is going to land somewhere [music] very specific and very real for a lot of you listening today. Pip, [music] the warmest welcome to you. Thank you so much for doing this with me today and

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being here. >> It's a pleasure to be here with you in this capacity. >> Yeah, it's a really nice role reversal. I love it. >> Yeah, definitely. And actually a warm welcome. >> Mhm. I I wouldn't I mean, I think I'm learning from you more than anyone else right now. Yeah. So, before we do anything else, um how are you arriving today? What's the energy you're bringing into this room right now? >> So, how I am arriving today? So, I'm It's a post-lunch

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here in the UK, in Norwich. And I have my cup of tea next to me. I am looking out on some trees. I am very much looking forward to you be speaking with you. And I am arriving with my feet on the ground. I'm breathing. And I'm going to bring my full self today. >> Mhm, I love that. Um I also love the range of um expression you gave just now on how different parts of your being and body are arriving. That was very interesting. Definitely something I think we'll explore more of. Um and I will just say there's something

00:03:11

a little funny and a little beautiful about the fact that you have held space for me to breathe uh through this last month. And now I get to hold space for you to speak. It feels like a very very natural and um heartwarming exchange for me. Mhm. >> I look forward to it. >> Yeah. So, of course, um the people listening don't know you yet, and I really really want them to. So, I'm just going to hand this to you completely. Tell us about yourself, your world, your life, what lights you up, what dims you down.

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Wherever you want to start. >> Where should we start? Wait a minute. How long have we got? >> [laughter] >> Okay, so um I'm Pip. I am a white-bodied queer woman. I My pronouns are she/they. I am originally from the northeast of England. The near the choppy coast, the choppy sea of the North Sea. Um the vast moors and the market towns and villages. I have come from I suppose I've had a lot of lifetimes in my time. Now I've reached the tender age of 48. Um and a half, nearly. Ah, tomorrow.

00:04:50

Um I used to work in theater and on cruise ships, and that was my life for many, many, many, many years. And when I well, it was sort of like brewing in my mid-30s onwards. I was like, there's something more. What's more? I want to I want to sort of get out there. I want to explore. I want to have more adventure. Um and it was a bit of a wake-up call, I'm not going to lie. So, when uh it was sort of early 40s, the body was sort of like, hey, come on, listen to me. And from there, um

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I've been following my intuition to get into get involved into this work. Breath work, somatic work, expression, connecting back to myself. And I am now holding um space for others to do the same, which is just something of a dream. It really is. Um I love love love love nature. I love being by the sea and the ocean. I love just being myself, laughing with my friends, and connecting, and talking deep as well. Got a very very deep side, and I don't like to bypass anything. Um I don't like I don't want to be

00:06:29

blinded by anything either, so it's very sort of like kind of I try and sort of balance both sides of myself out. I still um bringing like say my theater aspects of dance and singing into this now. And that lights me up a lot. And yeah, human interaction. Like human interaction. Just very the simplicities of life, you know, and and being there, and having time for people. >> Thank you for that expansive landscape. Also, it's your birthday tomorrow. How exciting. How sweet. Thank you for

00:07:18

telling me. >> and a half tomorrow. So, I'm a Sagittarius. Yeah. >> Okay, so it's the yeah, the mid of going from 48 to 49 tomorrow. >> That's right. >> Wait, I'm going to almost have to calculate into So, 14th of 15th of December is when we're talking at then. 16th of December. >> 16th of Okay. >> Okay, beautiful. >> Just put it on your calendar. Remember it. >> wear I so wear. I'm a very calendar person. I do this I genuinely do my

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whole calendar is filled with birthdays of the people I love. I really really do. And then sometimes on the day I'm like, "Hmm, do I want to wish this person? Are they important to me anymore?" And that's a really nice reality check in life sometimes. >> Absolutely. >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Um you mentioned how now at this stage of your life a lot of what lights you up has to moves around a lot of these practices that you discovered in the last say eight years.

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Yeah, six to eight years. Um so I think I would like to understand the intricacy of how breathwork found you. Uh say what was the first time you encountered it and what what did you make of it? >> Mhm. So um I had had so just pre that I sort of did the eat pray love thing of selling my tiny tiny little sort of like a studio flat Southeast London I was like, "I need a whole new start like everywhere. I need a just the direction I was going didn't feel right. Um and I was like, "I'm going to trust this. I

00:09:08

want to trust this and go with it." Um so I did like a little bit of traveling and had the space to be on my own and explore following my nose and whilst I was traveling I used to meet friends in places, you know, sort of get in touch with them if they were out in Australia or um there was a a friend who was working on a cruise ship in New Zealand I sort aboard the ship there and sailed with him for a bit there and blah blah blah blah. But how this work came into my life was um not long after sort of I set off

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traveling. Uh I came back to the UK and my dad uh passed. So, I saw him for the last 2 weeks of his his life. And my dad um had COPD. And it was chronic. And he used to use his voice as a singer. And that that's what lit him up um way back when. And his latter years completely lost it with a an operation that went wrong, a paralyzed vocal cord, and all that. So, just to sort of get an idea of how breathwork came in, I it was my body and my intuition, but I really feel it was from spirit, too.

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So, um it was after his funeral, I was okay, what's next for me now? We are It was pandemic had just hit. And the world stopped. Um I know a lot of people had to carry on with thanks to them for carrying on, obviously. Um and the ones that got to stop as well. You know, it was a big sort of Well, it was a big wake-up call for me to have a little sort of a lot a lot, not a little, a lot of questioning. Um I've always really, really loved the spiritual side of life. And during my career in theater and

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cruise ships, I always connected to that. Every time I was about to go on and do something, I always was like, "Okay, Granddaddy, you're here. You're here." And I felt him. It was like as though I've always had that. So, yeah, I it's there's there was a part of me then where I was like, "Those environments weren't resonating at all with me anymore." And I wanted to explore um the more of like kind of that spiritual realms as such as well. And maybe because,

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you know, I had my dad just passing as well as my grandma and I was like, "Okay, are you you know, the connection sort of to still be connected to them?" And it was just like it was over the sort of I suppose process of like maybe the month after the passing, I would just be online and the algorithms were coming in breathwork, breathwork, breathwork. Um I'm not a fan of algorithms, but this one I am a fan of. Um so, I was like, "Okay, I I I'm really intrigued." I'd already

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done a really short um holistic um life coaching course online. It was very just yeah, really really short there and I really got into that and I loved it. So, with this um the breathwork kind of coming up, I was like, "There's something in this and I want to see what's in this." I was in a big crossroads. It was a real huge crossroads for a lot of where I was living, how I what what lifestyle I wanted to do, what you what career do I want to, you know, get myself into now and

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it was yeah, as well as grieving some deaths in my family. So, there was just a, you know, a lot going on. So, with the breath work, it just felt like a step in the right direction for me of something like I wanted to see what I was curious. Um yeah. And from that moment on, it's just I'm a different even just Well, I'm still me, but I've reconnected to myself so much more on the parts that I'd shut down and shut away and um unlearned and learned a lot on along the way. >> Yeah. Uh you named some really big

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turning points and moments. Um that brought you to this journey and just holding with so much um compassion and warmth the passing of your father and your grandmother. Um and feeling so much warmth, I think, listening to the spiritual aspects of how you did feel presence in spirit anyway. And that led you to some of these journeys. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. And then, um so you dive right into it after that once you said you did a short life course. And then >> Mhm. Yeah, I did a short life holistic life

00:15:13

course and it um life coach course. >> Mhm. >> And from then on, I just knew it was like, okay, I I want to I want to deepen this as well, and I was at the time um because of a lot of where I was in that crossroads I was very much um content and at peace when I was on alone and with sort of close friends, but with in social settings, I would get anxiety. And it was like as though something Yes, a kind of I think I'd lost my footing. Um with a lot of uh what made me anchored, what

00:16:03

um Yeah, gave me what gave me purpose. I was like, "What is it?" So, I think with the breath, it was a great way to okay, get to grips with. And now I can look back, actually. And be with all this social justice work, um the decolonial work we've been doing with Inspire. Um I have a language, and I understand why I would feel anxiety in certain places. No. >> Mhm. Yeah, just to go into that a little deeper, where was that moment for you where that switched where um from practicing this work yourself, you

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knew you wanted to facilitate it? And then beyond that, what uh what made you pick Inspire breathwork specifically, this training, this approach? >> Mhm. Mhm. So, um I love people. I really enjoy people, and I've always had a lot of um a platonic uh relationships all through my life. Um you know, the care, the love, uh, and interest of um, relationships that are don't need to be, um, romantic. So, it wasn't just that. It was just like I've got a lot of love to share and I want to,

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um, share it as well and I'm very I'm just I was really interested in, um, I suppose I've interested in how sociology, interested in, uh, um, philosophy and how we we are as human beings, what makes us tick. Um, so that was sort of that opening to want to facilitate and also support others, no matter what's going through moving through their life. Um, Inspire is my second breath work training. Um, the first breath work training I was with Alchemy of Breath. And I did really enjoy some of their

00:18:35

teachings. And some of yeah, and some of the facilitation And then in my body, my soul, um, and from spirit I was like there's something else. There's something I need to learn and unlearn. And Inspire came up. Hannah came up on Instagram, actually. Uh, Inspire Breath Work. When would this be? Around 20 the start of 2025. And I'd connected with Hannah before from our the first school. So I'd done breath work sessions with Hannah and always like just loved her the way she holds sessions and who she

00:19:25

is, her personality and everything. Um So I was like Mhm. Okay, what's this? What's this? Go with you lean in, lean in. And I um it was the uh Tide ritual I did initially. 2025. And then I was like I was I'm in. There's something here that I really need to explore and I want to do this training. I want to be part of the collective with Inspire. I want to be part of this social justice, social change work. Um and I'm Yeah, I was like that that's definitely something that I've

00:20:12

brought into and integrated in myself that was probably like uh people call it in the wellness the shadow aspect or you know, but a different part of myself that was there to stand um for myself and others. >> Yeah, and of course we've talked about this briefly before uh the resonance of how you and I had a very similar introduction to breath work at similar times and also through the same organizations which was very interesting to me when I first like got on a um almost a discovery call with you um and

00:20:56

we discussed me being a breather and Yeah, and then these are the kind of in instances that make me really believe in collective energy and how things come together for a reason. Mhm. Um I find it really interesting that you came into this work from a performance background. Because uh in some ways and having done theater myself, in some ways that world and this world are asking completely opposite things of you. Uh one asks you to project outward with your voice, emotion. Yes, the journey is internal somewhat as well before you are

00:21:43

on that stage. But there's so much outward projection and this work uh the work we're doing with Hannah and Breathwork at Large asks so much of your inner self, so much of going inward. I wonder did that tension show up for you early on? >> Yeah, it was still there. Yes, it was um and we we spoke like you say, we've spoken a little bit about it in our sessions and how from a performer like how you would show up into a room for like say an audition or even a rehearsal or um you know, it was like

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to be on. Um to make sure you're top form. You'll try. Um or pretend you are when you really not. That was a lot of going on, you know, where you're exhausted and you just putting on this mask of makeup. Um to when you're out there on that stage. It's what everyone's coming to watch, you know, where um So, initially, I found it easier with Inspire because I am a sociable person. I can be gregarious. Um and I'm also introverted. So, I've got all sorts of different

00:23:27

sides to myself. Um and I call myself an ambivert in between in in Yeah. Um With Inspire, it was a a small cohort and it is still with in our second year. And that really really helps with me um learning in that a smaller capacity. Um so, I don't get overwhelmed on screen and Yeah. It's So, if I think about that, um I'm learning so much about myself even now at this age, you know, and it'll carry on. Um maybe some neurodivergence or something in there is that. But, um to be Yeah, just because there's only a

00:24:21

few of us, you're like I'm being I'm being seen. Yeah. I'm being witnessed here. Um every session. And so, that gave me a chance to um It was It was like sort of uh allowing myself just to be because I actually really like just being myself. And I can be myself. But, it was like as though it was embedded somehow and the programming of how we show up with people we're getting to no as well and um yeah. And I have to say that's what I love about this work. So, I've just gone off

00:25:10

on a tangent because of how I can be say in a a one-to-one or a group setting facilitating or being the the person being facilitated and that it all allow. >> Yeah. No, the cohort definitely gives a lot of space for that. That's true. And even sharing in the feelings room, um for all listening, this might be like not known language, but feelings room is a is a WhatsApp group that everyone in each cohort is a part of. Um and we share without there being any directives for anyone else to

00:26:01

respond to that share. We do respond, but we respond in just a emoticons. Um because the idea the idea of that is so beautiful to me that you just have a space to pour into whatever it is that's coming up for you. And initially when we started, I had actually thought, "Oh, this is going to be a place where everyone's, you know, dumping all of their hard feelings." Which was a little scary to think of, but then as it went on, um I've noticed how many of those times people have shared

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gratitude, love, uh a feeling of togetherness, even the feeling of just missing each other when we're on break. Um and then even when the hard stuff has been shared, it's been shared in such gentle ways um with such resonance that it's not felt heavy. And there's a beauty in that, in the way those communities have been um I don't know the word, but the communities have been I suppose held very gently and with love. So, I I resonate with what you're saying about this cohort being different from a

00:27:18

lot of those practices. I want [clears throat] to just uh get at something which for anyone who's listening from any of our cohorts, this will be deeply resonant, but for new listeners of the podcast, this might be an open window into the world of our training. Um Pip is in her second year at Inspired Breathwork, what's known uh in the course as the infiltration year. And for those of you who don't know, this is the year where students move from learning the practice to actively taking it out into the world, working

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with real clients, conducting research, uh facilitating sessions. It's where the theory meets the street, so to speak. And I'm in year one, so I'm watching Pip from just behind on that path, and I that perspective is just so interesting for me. Um so, Pip, just looking across both years that you have experienced so far, which class, which unit, which moment in the training has genuinely stayed with you? Something that um say cracked something open in you that hasn't quite closed again.

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>> Well, that's really hard to pick. Um >> Take your time. >> [snorts] >> I kind of don't want to pick one over the others, you know? It's like >> [gasps and sighs] >> um they've all been incredibly um insightful and explorative times for reflection um eye-opening um I mean sort of like reality hitting, you know, the social location part and and looking at power and privilege and the systems that are in our body and the social body. Um What's coming to me now?

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I mean yeah, it's really hard for me to pick, but what's sort of I suppose coming to me now is when we had uh a unit, I can't remember exactly what unit it was when it was we had facilitation the the fish bowl. It the breather session where Hannah was breathing um each of us separately, so we got to observe and witness and see how a session is held in a decolonial setting in a in a space um before we practiced on one another. And I that sort of that was a breather. That was a I was um

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breathed by Hannah as we all were initially um and that just came to me then cuz it was a real cracked me open to something that was um that was needed. That what what came up in that session. >> We can always circle back in towards a later part of the conversation if you'd like to sit with this one for a little bit. It's all It's all circular just like the course. >> Yeah, it's It's just It's just like Yeah. It's like go off on a tangent and I go via wherever I'm going

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to Scotland and I come down to Wales and I I'll I'll be with you tonight in India. Yeah. Um I suppose it goes from the having my agent, going back to the agency, obviously with this new founded anchor um in my body in my breath and my life uh no matter what, you know, is happening in the external. The that session was something that really did um I wanted to be witnessed. And I it was like, "What do you want to feel into?" Hannah, obviously, you know, like as a facilitator is not

00:32:27

obviously not those words, but it was essentially is what's moving in us and um I wanted to be witnessed in celebration. And I've I kind of that was sort of missing in my life until then. Um for my sort of my new start. You know, it's like from that that new start of my life that new sort and I've had many I think I've had many deaths and rebirths this past uh eight years and was I catching up just really catching up. My body's caught Yeah, catching up. Um and what it was

00:33:23

was like I know my body. I know my spirit. I know it's like I I mean that it's like I I'm listening in now. I'm listening here now. And over the the course of doing this work, sometimes it's been a challenge of >> [snorts] >> uh finding connection with people who get it. Um obviously, that's my journey as in not everyone will and that's okay. But sometimes I was like, I get me. You're not getting it. It's just like You know what I mean? It's like But it So I just it was that

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session cracked me up because I was like I just I all the way through Inspire I've I felt I really felt um I felt felt I felt seen, felt heard, you know, as yeah, essentially. Yeah. >> Yeah, that's beautiful. That was um I loved the journey that took to bring you into the feltness of everything. Um and for anyone listening, we did talk about this in the last session as well, but what Pip just referred to was something we call fishbowl sessions. Um where for the first uh few weeks, Hannah

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briefs each of us in the cohort week by week. Um and the rest of the group watches and observes and learns things. And then as we move forward, we each do this for each other as well while the rest of the group observes. And we also learn how to give feedback to each other at the end of not at the end, but in the next sessions we get together. It's really just a very beautiful structure put put in place to um let you acknowledge and notice the power of observation and noticing. Thank you for bringing us to that, Pip.

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Um >> Thank you for explaining so beautifully as well. >> Yeah, a lot of the frameworks actually that Hannah's brought into our lives have been very expansive before anything else and I feel that it's sort of really rewired the way I'm functioning in my everyday life as well. >> Mhm. Yeah. Um and you mentioned earlier that you began working with Hannah through the Tide Ritual. Maybe not began, but one of the first few courses you did with her was the Tide Ritual. Uh can you say a little

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bit about what that means for anyone listening who hasn't encountered that framework yet because I think it's one of those phrases that that's that sounds abstract until someone explains what it actually does in the body. >> Sure. Sure. Um so it is a 6-week um program. And each week you get a live call. And they're recorded if you can't make them. And so you can essentially each week there's a different topic or a different intention to sort of sit with and move with and contemplate with.

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And during those 6 weeks um each day you get a WhatsApp message. Each day you get like a either a breath practice or a yeah, some kind of form of meditation to sit with or um That structure really helped. I really feel like it was each day with that tied rituals was a great way to um moo through any transition or moo through any form of change micro macro that is going on for for us um And with that sort of like structure of each day having those practices it was ah okay some oh someone's here. Oh, people are

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here and we're help we're actually in this together. It really did feel as though you were um in something together. Um I'm just thinking about each week cuz of the different you know, the different weeks and what was brought in uh >> And perhaps the resonance of um where tides come in. I mean, Mhm. I I feel like the value of those words, tide and ritual put together, also. And I'm just making an interpretation myself because I actually haven't been part of that offering by Hannah. So, I'm also very

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curious uh if that was something that was discussed perhaps during the offering. >> What What was Yeah, what was um discussed and again, you know, training is about um life as a ceremony. So, finding our our own ways of ritual and our connecting to our ancestry for our own unique ways of that. Um Yeah, again, like the fire framework came in as well. So, there's a lot of um Yeah, the frameworks came in the tide ritual for exploration, too. Um But honoring actually how it's the decolonial way of honoring transitions,

00:40:05

honoring anything in life, whether it's um birth, death, or anything personal going on, or anything collective going on, and how this modern world and this Western world is just, you know, the kind of urgency culture of it all. Um, we tend to just keep our feet above ground, you know, we might be floating around life and pulled and they're fighting center, but what the tides did was give um some some structure and some support into moving through transitional times with ritual. >> Yeah, I'd rather encapsulate that quite

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well. Even the body experience you did bring in was it it I could understand where it was coming from and perhaps I can understand it even better because I'm, you know, working with the same person uh with that energy and that has so much value. Um, and you are now currently in the thick of your research thesis which uh I understand is a significant part of your tool. Uh, would you like to tell us a little bit about what you're exploring, who you're looking to work with? >> Yeah, sure. So, um

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at the moment, I'm I'm focusing in for my research thesis and case studies with the LGBTQ+ people and communities and also musicians. Um I feel like as though it is a a pull, a nudge, and a purpose when you see the the way of the world and how it's, yeah, playing out at the moment with fascism and very right-wing ways. Um, and how uh we need we need this and to be able to offer that to people who were maybe you know, thinking what's happening here and feeling a bit panic or and okay, this is you know, kind of like

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where it's reversing back to you know, the reversing the progression that everybody worked for um you know, there's been so much recently around here of uh like in Norwich uh County Hall the pride flag has been taken down because a lot of um Norwich's and the country has been taken over by very very right-wing reform um party and so yeah, I feel like as though it was it was always brewing in me to want to offer this work for that community um so I'm just going to see how it unfolds

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and it's already started. Obvious yeah, obviously it's already started. Um and yeah, I've just yeah, it's just it's a way to pass on this wonderful work and what we've and what we've been through ourselves and give some context to my own story to people as well and then that's where the connection that the real connection comes from I think and trust. >> That's beautiful and it really does because I've I've been breathing with you, and that connection has been felt

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very very deeply for me as well. It was um yeah, I think very honestly, it's the one and only reason where after we spoke, I did want to continue with those sessions. Uh and I'll just quickly mention here if anyone listening is interested in participating in Pip's research or any of my second-year students' research, please reach out directly. Sessions typically run across 10 breathwork sessions and range uh from free to a nominal fee, which is at the discretion of the facilitator. And all

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of these details will also be in the show notes, so explore. Um and Pip, I um how how are you feeling energy-wise? I just feel like doing a check-in right now before we move into some other spaces beyond the course. >> Um how do I feel energy-wise? I feel good. Yeah, I feel Yeah, and how are you? Do you want >> I'm I'm good. I'm really good. I'm No, I'm good. I don't want to break. I just feel um I don't know, a little bit like conscious of the uh responsibility I'm holding in this

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space, and I I'm enjoying the responsibility of the space holding uh because it is a sacred thing, and it's it's something I value a lot. So, uh that check-in just felt very almost like, "Hey, we've spoken about a lot of things that um were you know, deep explorations for you, and you've recapped on a lot of the last few years, a lot of time things come up. So, I just wanted to check in to see >> Thank you. >> how that's going. >> Yeah, but I'm glad you're here and I'm

00:46:12

here. Um I do want to dive in back into your theater background for a moment. Uh because I do think there's still a lot of interesting aspects there for me. Um when you spend years in a world that is literally about reading a room, about embodying a character, responding to what an audience or a director or a scene partner even needs, um I would love to explore with you what that does to you. What it does to your nervous system over time. In as much granularity as you would like to take us into.

00:47:03

>> Okay. Um Okay. So, looking back, I mean, there was some I must say there was some amazing times as well. I don't want to sort of like give it like a bad rap. But, there was some amazing times and then there wasn't and there was times where it wasn't so amazing. Um Yeah. To be all sort of like okay. This For example, there is like say a team that are um putting on say a production and they have this specific sort of like um type of character or this something needs to look a certain way or listen or hear you

00:48:11

know, be able to be that audio needs to be a certain way. Um so quite often they come from um their inner vision and their vision and it's projected onto you which is essentially a lot of even film and you know, any type of acting, dancing, singing. And what can happen there is I mean I I used to in a way it's that thing of like what yeah, reading what is needed and making sure like every time you try different ways of maybe moving say for example. Um reading what how that person received that.

00:49:11

You know, did they like that? Did they you know, is did that did that land in them? You know, it's like um always that you know, it's like kind of like flinch and you're like oh no, that wasn't so what they that wasn't so great. You know. Um And it's like give me give me a couple just give me a second and it's just like kind of transporting back in a way. Yeah. Cuz it's >> Thank you for taking the um emotional load off that experience because like I said, I can only I I understand

00:49:51

how big it is to dive into things from the past. >> If I think about it, um for me, it's a sense of dissociation. And in my body, well, I would you know, a few times I would have been it's giving energy Yeah, like you say, it's giving that energy outwards. That it's giving that energy towards something. So, it's always the obviously that kind of somatic on the go, that sort of like we're here, I'm here, I've it's never sort of like Oh, we've got time for this.

00:50:55

We've got time to explore, we've got time to create because there was always like a you know, like a a goal to be at a certain point or a set time to get something up and running. Um and that pressure you felt. I think a lot of the time in that sort of world, I was my body was crying out to be able to do my my own stuff. Even then, if I just sort of think about it, like and collaborate in more of a alternative space maybe or in a different setting. Um to have that to have more agency. Um and then going back to

00:51:52

I mean sometimes I I loved it, you know, and the the casts were blooming great and we'd have a laugh. Um but not always. But I suppose going back to that how your energy is always out rather than hang on, let's check in here. Is it something that actually resonates with me? And going back to that agency thing I used to have an agent. So I had an agent who used to ring up, hey, you've got an audition. You've got to learn scripts in a night. You've got to learn a song in a 2 days or you know, it was

00:52:31

that there was a lot of this going on constantly for years and years and years and years. Um and not knowing the how that can sort of like be a bit of a shock. Well, not a shock to the system. Shock to the nervous system really. Um I need to get this done. This needs to be This needs to be good. This needs to be I need to be on it. I need to do this work now. Drop everything. Drop life. It was a lot of that. Drop life. Drop yourself. Leave yourself. Yeah. >> Mhm. That was a really interesting

00:53:16

nuance you brought in where you said you had an agent and so essentially that's almost like that word, I don't know the etymology of the word, but almost sounds like handing over your agency, your personal agency to a person who can now tell you when and how you must show up. And yeah, that was very like a moment of well, it blew my mind for a second there. I love that. Not that a lot of that was the experience just that moment euphoria that that's a relational thing. Um and was there say a version of you on stage or

00:54:01

off who felt most like yourself back then or was performing always to some degree also a way of managing? You have I mean taken me through some of this but I think I'm trying to understand if other versions of you existed while before this breathwork practices came into being. Mhm. >> There was There was a version of myself um that really deeply loved music. Like I just you know that whole live orchestra or band. That sort of got me fueled, you know, it's like ah my goodness me just like listening into the

00:54:58

different notes and the different tones and them them coming together to give out such a a beautiful um Yeah, I just like kind of that the vibrations you feel from that. Um can even like just think about it the emotions it brings up. Um And I you know I loved being that so as a kinesthetic person I love moving. I love voicing. I love singing. So um there was a part of me when there was I was in contracts whether it was there in shows or on cruise ships that I just I was just like this is just this is

00:55:52

ace. This is great. This is ace because it's just like you're you know, again you like this is work. So there was some aspects of it where I was like this is like this this is my me and I'm allowed to be be paid for what I'm enjoying doing, you know? I always really um I always was very much into into the um pieces of theater and pieces of um like say if it was play or theater the ones where they always had sort of some kind of deeper meaning and some gravitas. Um and some truth behind it. Um

00:56:51

I didn't I didn't connect to the ones that were a little bit um fluffy as much. Um or a little bit I'm just going 5 6 7 8 do do do you know, that was I didn't really yeah, that wasn't really me. But you know, we've got to pay our bills like anything. Um I think that you know, that's why I I love this work it's because I can bring the part of me that is that sort of the essence underneath what I did love and bring it into more expression with this this work. Exploring some movement, some voice with

00:57:36

it. >> Weaving in so much of, you know, like you said, you've had multiple births and deaths in the last eight years. And then weaving your past lives into your present ones can be a very joyful experience. So, I'm really happy for you that uh there were elements there that you could bring with you so that these tiny pieces of your past lives still, you know, stay on. And I do want to honor those parts as well because those moments where you feel like, "Wow, I get to do what I love

00:58:10

for and be paid for it." are really big moments in allowing us to keep reaching for things that a new version of us now wants. >> Sure. >> So, that's beautiful. Um Would you describe some of what your body was going through as um how we know the just to get into the terminology of it, how we know as the freeze, flight, fawn response. What do you feel like sometimes when the body was showing up in those performances that while it is functioning that also is a form of freeze?

00:58:57

>> Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Um Mhm. Yeah, there was sometimes like I was I was choreographed in a certain way that didn't suit my body. I'm not um naturally flexible as a person. I've had to work at that. I'm strong, you know, I've got pizzazz and I can sort of get that leg there, but you know, I'm I'm not naturally one of those Lucy's. Um So, say for example like say a choreographer in a room would be like expecting me to get my say right leg up to my ear or something and it's

00:59:43

like it's not going there, mate. It's just not. My left leg's better, but that's not going there and so a lot of the time with like maybe some people of like kind of the disappointment of that. Uh on their behalf may all or having to force myself eight shows a week of doing something my body was shouldn't have been doing. I pushed too much. I would freeze. So, that essentially is stiffening the whole body up anyway. Um and yeah, when friend when freeze came in, it's like as though

01:00:20

I need Yeah, I need to I felt a bit like I'm a puppet on a string. I need to do this or else I'm just going to be Oh. What else can I do, you know? I might get sacked. I don't know. You [laughter] just So, it's Yeah. Yeah, a lot of them a lot of times actually I push my body in too many ways. Um Yeah, and that's essentially that freeze nervous system state where we can't run. We're not you know, we sort of we we can't get away from it. We can't get away from what is being is there.

01:01:02

Um and to stay in the room and to stay with Yeah. Um that sometimes happens. >> Thank you for taking me there and what what would go on through your mind like you know, what that dialogue was when uh you did notice these things just have to be done. Um I in fact have learned at discovered, uncovered recently how my body responds because everyone's response to freeze, like as a freeze response, everyone acts differently. It's not just as the word suggests that you just suddenly pause and you're not

01:01:40

able to move or have any action. That's not how it shows up for everybody and that was a very interesting uncovering for me also recently when I realized that being performative sometimes was my freeze. Um, which can be just confusing in a sense if you're just trying to go by language, but uh, because human beings are so different and nervous systems are so different, it only makes sense. Um, and it is such a um, particular kind of survival strategy that so many of the people use. Um, I'm also curious where

01:02:22

this would show up in your body. Like what what would it what would the freeze feel like from inside, not just in your mind, but in your body, how would it show up? >> I see you're asking me like how did your body feel at the time in that freeze? >> Mhm. >> And it's quite ironic because I was using my body in my work, but I was completely dissociated from it a lot of the time. So, uh, some emotions. What came up in freeze [snorts] was um, injuries. And anxiety. Oh, holding.

01:03:19

My voice. or I wanted to say feeling power over to anxiety Yeah, it's quite these things that move in. I haven't felt um a loving, compassionate relationship to my body until exploring more of this work through our course. Um I would never put myself through something so put myself through in the past ever again and yeah. And that's what's um that's the agency as well. That's the uh anchor of agency. It's quite when I speak about it, it's um some people don't understand and I'm

01:05:12

again I don't want to be obviously throwing it out and blaming others, and I'm not it's not to do that. Um like some people [snorts] would love to do what I've done, you know, and I get some people saying that, and um also some people see it as through rose-tinted glasses, that everything's glamorous. But it it was at times, but there was a a a definitely a a darker side to it, too. >> Thank you for letting me touch those parts right now, and for the courage to touch them.

01:06:11

Um while feeling through through them. Um what I also find so powerful about what you described is that none of that was weakness. It was, in fact, intelligence, your nervous system doing exactly what it had learned to do to keep you safe. Um and thankfully, this work isn't about blaming yourself for any of it. It's about updating that system. Um so it's beautiful that you're on the other side of it, and not like there's only one other side, but you're on some other side of it, so that's

01:06:52

beautiful. Um moving into moving into the work that you now do, uh that does bring your soul alive, and doesn't as often leave you in your freeze responses, I hope and I assume. Um I'd love for you to take us to a moment, a specific moment in a session or in the work where you felt something shift. Not um the gradual change, but perhaps the peak of it, the moment where something that had been held for a very long time finally moved. And be free to take a few minutes if that feels needed right now.

01:07:45

>> I think it comes into that sort of having the um of late the rece- recently um the death of the people pleaser. And the death of the people pleaser has sort of it that did start and it's had different installments. Um but of late seems to be clea- quite cleared of it. Quite cleared of them, which is great. Like pinpointing a moment is hard because it's been it's that gradual it you know how we take our time. You know with it all and that's what I love about um yeah, it's not pressured in any way

01:08:43

to have oh, now I'm now I'm healed cuz our healing journeys are constant, aren't they? You know, it's like I love the way that Hannah brought into the session that I a trauma we sometimes we we don't need to be healed of it, but we can give it space. Um and that's that really a lot of words have really hit me somatically. As well, words do really uh as well as the practices um can really hit me softly in a real in a good way to for me to to come to terms with what I was doing before

01:09:34

how I was in the world before. I And again, well, you brought up like you know, not the gradual bit, but if I think about just the practices that I've done we do um like coming into the vimanas or what's was a great practice that I loved actually is the um the pendulation exercise to help the flexibility of our nervous system. So, how you were talking about the freeze and how we freeze all of us in different ways. Um whether it's freeze for and appease fight, flight um that pendulation exercise

01:10:25

was a Should I give a little bit of a explanation? If you want to. >> No, please go for it. That'd be amazing. >> Um So, like when we come into be facilitated coming into our sentence, one of the practices where um gifted by Hannah um we are facilitated and guided into our own centers, our own grounding. And and then there's I might have missed something out or might be saying it slightly wrong, so apologies. Uh because it's just come up and then there's we sort of imagine that sort of a wide

01:11:15

circle, maybe a meter uh away from our body that 360. So, we've got some sort of like kind of energetic space there, sort of energy space that we are we are filling with that as well as connected to ourself. And then there was three approaches. I remember those exercises in there. The first approach is somebody um Oh, it was close your eyes. Yeah, it was closing the eyes. So, it did no matter you you sort of got this yeah, this sort of feeling or this felt sense this the sensations of this first

01:11:58

approach, somebody is approaching you, but you're in your center, you know you've got your circle around you is that little soft protection. And they're coming towards you and it was like somebody who um is not really for you, might misunderstand you, um doesn't really uh doesn't really believe in what you're doing or might just be completely like shut down the politics you're into or whatever it is. There was just all that and then there was the second approach come in

01:12:38

from and they went away. Mm, sorry. I Yeah, I'm just getting a bit fast here. My brain comes goes too fast sometimes. And then they they leave. So, it's the sense the how I what does that do to our bodies, our spirits, our minds when we get that approach? And noticing that, and then that person leaving, coming back to our center, coming back to the grounding and to breathing in that space of that circle again. Again, like coming, you know, into that. Second approach was even worse than the

01:13:19

first approach. It was I think it was something like somebody wants to not see you do well or is like Yeah, really like kind of ready for your downfall or something like that. And I just thought, I need this because this has happened. This happens in life. And it has happened. And so I was like, okay, okay. I'm I'm And then noticing what happened there. And it could come up as a person or a visual or a you know, a sensation in the body or emotion. And then that approach leaves. That person leaves.

01:13:57

Coming back, giving flexibility into our center again, our grounding. And then the the last approach, person or people coming in and just like giving you like all the praise and all the cheerleading and all the, you know, like kind of empowerment. And how that is, how that feels in your nervous system. And how how that feels in your body and your energy and your Yeah, the way you stand, the way you hold yourself, the way you Yeah, the way you lift your chest. Whatever it is. Feel that, and then then walking away,

01:14:37

and then coming back to find that in yourself and your center and your grounding. A little bit of little bit of pendulation exercise. That was and practicing that I've really gone into that actually quite a lot. When I felt you know, certain people or energy approaching or maybe something online. That something says as well, you know. So, okay. Notice how that makes What is what's moving in me? Okay, allow Okay. This is happening from the outside. But, what is moving in me? And then being able to give that

01:15:26

flexibility. And some some space into the nervous system and for it to naturally come into its own rhythm. >> I do burst and I really love that framework of pendulation also. Maybe not the framework so much. I do like like the concept when it was introduced to me. I was just like, "Wow, this is such important work for capacity building." Uh especially when you're going into spaces of social justice and reform and you want to be a compassionate agitator. And then how to work through those

01:16:10

feelings. Um And then not just going into those spaces, but I think as human beings, as the human race we are today, we do need so much more of that capacity so that we're able to not create war after war and instead just learn how to move through those moments when we're facing someone with opposing thoughts. >> Yeah. >> Um but, I will be extremely honest. I absolutely despised that practice. >> [laughter] >> I just And I I was honest about it to Hannah as well in our feedback all that

01:16:47

month when this practice came up and I was just like here I've been practicing all the other breath works we've been through, but this one is just not my thing. I just don't want to get into that space, you know, like and I and then I think she said something on the lines of you know, if if you feel like this is an experience you are able to embody in your everyday and perhaps that's why you're feeling like this practice is not so relevant to you, it's fine because the experience the point of

01:17:20

it is to allow your body to embody it. And I think this was just a skill set I was a bit comfortable with already. So I was like I'm not I'm not going into the visions of people who are showing up this way in my life cuz I just don't want to face them. >> Yeah. Not today. >> Yeah, not ever for me. >> Maybe that's what I'll bring up next session we do. We'll see the next session. >> Yeah. >> It is it is a little painful for me too because then it puts me in that position

01:17:50

of oh no, now I have to face all these things they held for me instead of me having just resolved it in my own mind and found resolution. Uh I have to see them as real people suddenly and I don't know if I wanted to. But I don't know, maybe we should have had a contract here about you not using any of this against me. >> What page you sign? What It's not easy work. Like it's it's it's I think it's really it's crucial work what we're doing. It's not >> Yeah.

01:18:30

>> It's not easy, but I mean some of it we are feeling our joy and our expans- expansion and our that state of taking in so much love. But that's like when we're in the soil, like you say, coming into the social justice and change spaces it's needed. Or else if I hadn't if I if I hadn't been practicing, I'd be running out a few doors. >> [laughter] >> I oh yeah. I choose to I'm choosing to stay. >> Yeah. Yeah. This is actually a great segue of what I

01:19:17

feel like getting into next, which is just the idea of conflict. Um because I feel like it's such a big one and unfortunately, communication is just not a subject taught in our education system, even though it's the one and only thing you have to do as a social being, as a human being. Um so I feel like I maybe you can take us through a little bit of how conflict how your body used to respond to conflict, uh what used to happen in your body when you sense conflict coming, even before, you know, like because that

01:19:57

response starts much before the conflict actually arrives because feedback loops have been created. Yeah. Um yeah, so I'm curious um how that would be physically and how it's changed today. >> So how it's changed was it's really start I really started to go, I need to do some work on this um and my behavior with conflict and I did Hannah's um breathing beyond empire. And there was a lot of uh time to be and sit and breathe and contemplate about conflict. Um if I look at

01:20:47

a lot of my the past and some environments I was have been in and was in um there was no healthy conflict. And I've learnt as well from conflict is actually conflict with repair conflict is actually love in action is actually care. Um and the more I've allowed that to be absorbed into my cells into my bones I get it. Cuz if I think about it when I was younger and I I I and in times before looking at conflict I I feel I'm an open communicator. I I um but times where I felt that I haven't

01:21:57

been able to of somebody sort of maybe shut me down or possibly um I've just sensed whatever I'm going to say they're not going to like. Or being around people where it's really quite brutal or really quite loud in in conflict or sneaky in conflict um where there's no repair. It's just like silent treatment or pretend that didn't happen. And I can't I could never understand that. >> [laughter] >> Like Go Excuse No, I can't I can't Okay, now I can't trust to

01:22:53

be myself here and now without having to Can we sit and talk about that and possibly share what came up for each other or in the group and repair. But with uh obviously going through the fear of conflict in Breathing Beyond Empire and we've had a little we've had some in the Inspire as well that's been brought in. I'm sorry. I like sometimes I'm going way back to sort of a distance sort of felt like it's kind of like how old am I here in my body now? This is what's happening.

01:23:35

>> [gasps] >> Um Mhm. >> Especially when changes with such gravity are happening through a smaller phase of time it genuinely becomes hard to reflect and think about your age cuz it might have been just 2 months ago and now you're suddenly thinking about 5 years ago, but it wasn't 5 years ago. >> Time, eh? Yeah, it's like Yeah, um Yeah, it's It's like What has helped me with this is actually being part of something. I used to sit on the peripheral a lot. I used to let

01:24:15

somebody have their say and feel better. Always make sure somebody felt people were feeling good. Trying to make everyone feel good, and that was part of my people-pleaser side as well. Um so, if I've kind of like thinking about that side with with the conflict that comes up now, I'm like, "Oh, I don't I don't I don't have to shut down. I've got a voice." Um It it's And if somebody doesn't like what I'm saying and feels discomfort and if I feel discomfort, you know, both

01:24:55

sides, and that's that is conflict. That's essentially building our capacity um for yeah, to bring bring more life in as well, really, rather than shut down, cut off, silent treatment. >> So, naturally, your um own freezing, falling history has made you a better facilitator and has allowed you to show up in rooms in much more compassionate ways. I'm curious, what does it actually give you in the room with the client? However that experience shows up for you, whether it's physical, mental,

01:25:44

even spiritual. >> Mhm. Mhm. What does it give is um I I love building um slowly building relationship with trust with one another. And by building trust, we can then be more open with communication. I really encourage open communication. I don't you know, I'm not like they're going, "Come on." Please please please open up. You know, it's not that. It's just I really really in I love that encouragement because I think having that encouragement as well from others from some from others is just

01:26:40

it's like gold dust in a society that is on that still sometimes hamster wheel and have time for people to essentially be emotional beings as well as thinking beings and you know, all of it. It's like um I think the cultivation of safety. It's the cult cultivating safety. And how that was brought in from the get-go as well with our course. And that what I love of that was brought in is we don't know whether we're in a safe space. And that's great. I love that because that's reality.

01:27:29

Where a lot of the white washed wellness spaces I've been in it's a safe space, you know, and they so it's like essentially people are there open. They've got things coming up for them and they you know, without any sort of cultivation of safety have their own back grounding in themselves. And I I think I was one of them. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Yeah, so this this um course how politicized somatically and um looking at the Yeah, systemic uh um ways of oppression and stuff.

01:28:19

Um has given me that rooting to understand how how important the time of building trust is in one another. Pace. >> You spoke about how uh just now how the idea that no space is inherently safe and how we're building that safety within ourself and then you also took um ownership of how some of these things were things you were doing in the past and it helped you had a hard reality check and then you changed some of those things in your practice. So, I'm curious if um this is a belief about yourself that

01:29:10

this work has fundamentally challenged or are there or is there something else that uh you would like to give that prized uh position to? Yeah. >> The exploration, the curiosity of our internal and the exploration of uh life. If we don't have that fundamental the fundamental tools and that safety within us, it's it's quite a a it's I feel like it's quite a dangerous thing. And I think it's that thing of um sort of like knowing, okay, this isn't you know that we never know if we're in a safe space.

01:30:05

It gives us um again, I suppose it's that the work to do our own inner agency. Um And whatever happens whatever happens, you know, like I mean we could be untouched for days or weeks, but if something that wasn't so safely settled you know, safely brought in. Um With cultivation of safety we can again do the the practice of anchoring in the pendulation and have our own backs. Like really have our own backs. Not just superficially and not just saying it, but it's from the bone from our bones.

01:31:08

I suppose it's like the yin and yang of life, isn't it? Or how we want to sort of bring it into the yin yin and yang um the the beautiful magical spiritual aspects of our the work we do to the gritty raw gut-wrenching ness of some of some of the parts of life and once your eyes are open and yeah, once your eyes that you can't you can't ever be blindfolded again. >> That was very beautifully uh spoken and phrased also. I see why you take the moments in the uh questioning because then words like these flow out.

01:31:58

So the pauses are absolutely worth it. And I think I want to say something here as your research participant because I've been on the receiving end of your facilitation. Um and there's something about the way you hold space that I think comes directly from all of this work that you just referred to, all this work that you've done on yourself and the steadiness of it, the rootedness and bodiedness of it, um the lack of an agenda and I feel all of that. So I know that brief feedback came into

01:32:37

you came to you a week ago, but this genuinely is what I want to express. Thank you so much for it. >> Absolutely. >> Thank you so much for your personal curiosity actually because that's what led you to be this version of yourself. Yeah, it's beautiful. >> Pleasure. >> While you do these sessions, um is there something that has surprised you in the sessions you've facilitated for your thesis so far? >> Yeah, I I must I think if I think about Well, it actually is

01:33:16

not surprised, but it's something that I wasn't sort of essentially going this is my research thesis for, but it's people-pleasing. I'm getting lot I a lot of people-pleasers. Um and Well, quite often people are gravitated towards us for some, you know, reason for some reason, isn't it? It's like Maybe I should just do research thesis. The death of the people-pleaser. >> That's a brilliant focus and I feel like you'll have a world of clients waiting to do this with you.

01:34:02

>> Let's do it. I'm really passionate about it. Absolutely, because and we truly start living from our our soul without having to censor so much as well. It's like Yeah. >> Um um so while we use these phrases often in the kind of work we do, um centered, embodied, rooted, and some of it is what we are on some days. Um I want to ask you what that actually means on a Friday afternoon for you today, not in a session, not in a peak moment, in the ordinary. Um in the moment where something could

01:34:51

knock you off your footing, what does the inner medicine look like now? >> The inner right the inner medicine. So again, it's like the moments of practice we have in our breathwork sessions, it's like to you know how the yogis say taking it off the mat, that's when it happens. Essentially, it is we don't know where we are when something's going to happen, so it's bringing that okay. I might need some centering in this moment. Uh something might have crossed my path

01:35:34

or whatever it is. Um and centering Yeah, we do we do use words, don't we, in these sort of spaces where yeah, people who haven't got into this language will be like, "What is that?" Um centering is generally is generally coming into our inner voice and just questioning what's going on. For me. So, it's like, "Okay, what's just happened there? What's just knocked you off your feet?" Um not dwelling on the outside, which I used to a lot, but coming in to

01:36:28

give that sort of the communication of body. Yeah. I've got you. I've got you. And no matter where I am, like say, I could be in somewhere somewhere busy or somewhere in nature or whatever to Yeah, some things Yeah, knocked you a little. We could be in a busy shopping center, but still be there and stay and give ourselves the moment of breath of spaciousness in our body. In a crowded space, in a crowded room. Um whether it's some coherent breathing or some just breath attention. Gathering our energy to our bodies

01:37:17

again. >> I actually love the breath attention and awareness practices. They have been just the most Yeah, I feel like they're not just centering and grounding for me. They're they're very expansive and they really, really bring me back to the core of why I am doing any of this. Every time I feel a little far away from my vocation, that practice actually helps me come back very wholeheartedly. I really valued it. Um and I think what's so important about what you're describing here is also that

01:37:56

it's not that the old responses have gone. The freezing still exists, the fawning still exists, performance exists in all of us. It's just that you're no longer unconscious of them. At least on most days. And that gap between stimulus and response, between um say trigger and reaction, that is where agency lies. And it's just breathtaking to me that the breath allows you access to so much. >> Absolutely. >> As we uh transition closer to the end of this um session, I want to make sure that we talk about

01:38:46

the breath collective before we close today. Uh because I think it's something a lot of people listening would not have heard of uh and really should know about. A lot of the people in the organization, I mean, studying through the organization also might not be fully aware of this yet. Um so uh would you be up to taking us through what the collective is, what it stands for, where can it be found? >> Yeah, sure, of course. So, there's um on the inspire uh breathwork website, you have um the breath collective.

01:39:26

[snorts] And if you click on that, then you uh get pictures and of people who have finished their training and offering sessions and also you get um the pictures and information once you click on of the second-year students who are in infiltration. And you can obviously read through websites, their website, who are they are and get a feel of who they they are serving. And it's a great variety great variety of um different practitioners on there, facilitators. And yeah, I I am not up there currently, but

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I'm going to get a a new website really short really soon and shortly. Layla's helping me with it, Layla from our cohort, so who did it. >> Yeah, she's the first person. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. After Hannah, she was the first um practitioner that I had on here. Yeah, I've actually been thinking of just reconnecting with her and maybe doing some more sessions with her also. It's amazing. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so >> Love the skill exchange. >> So we get Yes, exactly. It's all all

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about that. Yeah, exactly. And then so we're going to get help with a new website cuz mine's old, needs to be scrapped. Um but yeah, I So that's coming soon and then you can reach out. Um I've got my Instagram @pip brain happening as well. That's current. It sort of feels more definitely more current. >> Yeah, and we'll also put all of this in the show notes. So if specifically if you're a queer person or a musician, as Pip said, those are her key focuses, but even if you're not that and you did feel

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connected today, then you know, the show notes are here for you. Um >> Absolutely. >> And you are free to reach out. Yeah, and you have available slots as we speak, right? >> Yes, yes. I really I really like what I really like working with the small group so I can put like you know, have like give my attention um >> Yeah. >> and energy to the people I'm working with. But yeah, it's a I do have some space for and invitations in here. >> Oof. Thank you so much. Um is there something

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alive for you right now that you want to share or a question you want to ask or just or a couple of more yarns also work for me. Anything goes. >> [laughter] >> Uh No, what's feeling alive is just being really um This just I feeling very grateful to be part of this part of this uh movement and collective and I'm really looking forward to my future as well as the um you know, the present and step-by-step, but I've yeah, felt this new aliveness with this the new agency that's coming and

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Yeah. Here's to breathing and just and open communication. >> I think it was so interesting for me to uncover so much more of you because every session we're in is more about me than it is about you, even though I definitely know you more than a dog therapy client knows that therapist. Um yeah, but this was really really um enriching for me, and I'm extremely grateful that we did get a chance to do this. Um Thank you so much. Thanks for showing up with vulnerability and honesty in this space also.

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>> Yeah. Walk our talk. >> [laughter] [gasps] >> I really Yeah, I really appreciate obviously your organization with this podcast and the way you Yeah, the way you hold it and your words and your compassion here. >> Thank you. There's a ritual I hold at the end of every episode, a poem. Not to tie things up neatly [music] or make them tidy, but because some things can only be said sideways, and poetry knows how to do that. Today I want to offer you something by [music] Mary Oliver. Not that she needs

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an introduction, but she does deserve one, and we are into honoring people for what they rightly deserve. [music] So here goes. Oliver was an American poet who spent her life [music] being attention to the natural world, to the body, to the quiet persistent question of what it means to be truly alive. She wrote with such simplicity and such depth [music] that her words have a way of landing somewhere you didn't know was open. She received the Pulitzer Prize and the National Book Award, but more than any

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of that, she gave a lot of people permission, >> [music] >> permission to be exactly what they are. This poem >> [music] >> is called Wild Geese. I have read it more times than I can count, and every time [music] it gives me something I didn't know I needed. So, today I invite you to gently [music] receive it. You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only [music] have to let the soft animal of your body

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love what it loves. Tell me about despair, [music] yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile, the world goes on. Meanwhile, the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, [music] over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile, the wild geese high in the clean blue air are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself [music] to your imagination. Calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting, [snorts]

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over and over announcing [music] your place in the family of things. What undoes me [music] about this poem every single time, gosh, Is that very first line, "You do not have to be good." Not, "You are forgiven for not [music] being good." Not, "Try harder the next time." Just, "You do not [music] have to be good." Full stop. As if that were the simplest, [music] most obvious thing in the world. As if we hadn't spent decades [music] arranging ourselves around the belief

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that our goodness, our usefulness, our acceptability was the price of admission. [music] And inaccurately believing that morality is somehow part of nature. And then she does something even more radical. She says, "You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves." [music] Not your achieved self, not your performed self, >> [music] >> not the self that has read all the right books and done all the right work and knows how to hold the room. The soft animal.

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The creature underneath all of that. The one that knows things your mind is still catching up to. I think that is exactly where Pip has taken us today. The whole journey from the fawning, the freeze, the hyper-vigilance back to that soft animal. Back to the body [music] that knows. Back to the self that was always there waiting to be [music] trusted. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely the world is announcing your place in [music] the family of things, you belong here exactly as you are. What Pip brought into this space [music]

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today is something I find genuinely rare. The willingness to describe [music] in precise and honest detail not just where she has arrived, but where she started. That kind of honesty is not easy to offer and it is not easy to receive without being moved by it as I was extremely moved by [music] it. I hope you were too. Next month, we go somewhere different with a new practitioner and a new authentic story that I can't wait to discover and unpack [music] with you. If today's episode moved something in

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you, if something Pip [music] said is still sitting in your chest, here are a few things I want to invite you into before you go. Subscribe to the Inspired [music] Breath Book podcast wherever you listen. This season is building something [music] each episode a layer of something larger, deeper, more honest and I want you to have all of it. If this conversation spoke [music] to something you recognize in yourself perhaps, the fawning, the freezing, the long exhaustion of managing everyone else's experience,

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>> [music] >> then pass it on. Think of the one person in your life who might have needed to hear this today. >> [music] >> And you don't need to explain anything to them, you just need to share it. And if Pip's work [music] is calling to you, whether you want to explore pre-talk with her, be part of her research, or simply find out more, her details [music] are in the show notes. Please reach out. She is doing extraordinary work >> [music] >> and I have been personally

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moved by it, inspired by it, opened up by it and it is available to you. Well, so thank you for being here yet again. For walking this with me >> [music] >> episode by episode. Until next month, come home to your body. Trust what it [music] knows and remember you only have to let the soft animal >> [music] >> of your body love what it already loves. Take good care until next time.